I never commit to anything.

These past few years, I've noticed that whenever I pick up a hobby or start on a project, I quickly get bored of said activity and find something else to do, like watch America's favorite Jerry Springer substitute, Maury. For instance, I picked up crocheting with my Grandma a few years back. There are oodles of yarn in my closet. I also have been working on a scrapbook in honor of my sister Pauline for Christmas. Since 2008.

But when I started this blog-this internet sensation, this glorious virtual notebook-it was different. I'm always being told I'm funny and I should write down my thoughts. So when my youth pastor casually suggested I create a website after seeing a few of my shabby Paint Shop Pro drawings, I immediately jumped face first into this new world of blogging. Might have been a bit too ambitious.



I threw some neat pictures I created onto this site, and hell, I even had the main banner custom made by J.T. himself. But after a few days, I couldn't help it. It just got dull. I would check it every now and then to see if I had any comments. Maybe I would write half of a post and save it for later, or maybe I would silently read my blogs to myself and giggle pathetically at my own terrible jokes.



I'm not sure how long it's been since I even checked this thing, let alone posted. A week? Two weeks? Aren't these things a daily kind of chore, like cleaning the dishes or calling your mom? I don't know; I'm not hip to all of this Blogspot crap. So when Cool Story Bro crossed my mind today, I naturally felt obligated to give some sort of update.



And then it hit me.



So if you don't hear from me for a while, you know where I'll be.



rubes

Hipsters make me sad.

I really think it's about time I unleash my strong hatred (and amusement) of hipsters onto the internet. I drew a few pictures for my friend Jake and figured they were crappy enough to share with my audience. Or lack thereof, J.T. aside.



This one is particularly hilarious. Unfortunately, it's not entirely true, because real hipsters would never go to Starbucks, one of the biggest corporate whores of America. They go to places like Java Shotz or Cafe du Crap where they can get extra chilled wheat grass shots in their Mo'cuccino Vanilla smoothies.



I have to apologize for this one as well, as I forgot to include the poor Hispanic families in the background. And before I get hate mail about being racist, it's OKAY. I'm Puerto Rican. I'm allowed.

ruby

My friends are just awful.

Here's the first installment of terribly drawn pictures (by yours truly) that were requested from my friends. In their defense, some of the pictures were fairly innocent, until my mind took a hilarious spin on it. Excluding, of course, the nine (and counting) penis requests I recieved. Dirty, dirty.



This was drawn for my buddy Kane. He's asian. And not very creative with paint requests. But damn good at math.



This one is for Shane. He was very excited and knew exactly what he was looking for when he requested Lady Gaga on a polar bear. He's been a big help in this awful project and this turned out to be one of my favorites.






Good lord. I shake my head every time I see this one. For my Spongebob-obsessed older sister (and my adorable nephew, Raiden), and I'll post the original terrifying picture over here somewhere so you can compare. It's a fairly decent episode.



For Shelbie. How the hell does one go about drawing a seahorse? Whatever I drew turned into some sort of terrifying bird-fish catastrophe, so I just improvised. Sorry Shelbs.

That's all for now, folks. If you want to request a picture for me to ruin, send me an email at superfriendly.aviator@yahoo.com. Keep in mind that I will neglect anything terribly naughty, and I refuse to draw something without any thought behind it. i.e., anything along the lines of "a dog" or "my self portrait" will NOT be drawn. You will be laughed at, unless you are particularly funny-looking, in which case I will have no problem making fun of your dumb face by drawing a crappier version of it in paint.

ruby

First time for everything.

Hello, companions.

This will be my first blog (of, hopefully many) for Cool Story, Bro. I guess I should introduce myself. My name is Rubes, and I produce awful drawings in paint. I also ramble on about useless and ironic things that infuriate me. So, I hope you're not looking for too much in this relationship, because honestly, I'm going to be half-assing it.

I'll leave you with this terrible picture of some sexy food.

ruby