PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT: Public Bathrooms

As we all know, public bathrooms can be a hellacious and frightening place. Everything's damp, there's trash on the floor, and heaven forbid there ever be any paper towels. Well, I come before you today to shine some light on a particular bathroom offense that has me downright peeved.

Ladies. Quit pissing on the seats. I understand your desire to not get any disgusting germs on your golden tooshie, but if you're going to hover, clean your piss off the seat with a paper towel and save the next dumb bitch that pees everywhere a little bit of grief.

For all you men who see women as beautiful and sacred, look away now, as you might see something that you cannot unsee. Please shield the eyes of any small children, as the next few images are slightly graphic.

NC-17 RATING

You're in college, you're a grown up, and even though you may not be mature, let's just pretend for a second that you have some manners. Some day you're going to have a boyfriend, get married, and have childrens. How are you going to potty train them when you piss like a coked-up sprinkler?

You may unshield the eyes of the small childrens that are afoot, but please, don't shield them from the horrors of public restrooms and how to not become a dumb bitch.

The more you know.

rubes